What is the legacy we are leaving our children?

The other day I was watching T.V. and I saw the new Dove TM  commercial and the thought struck me about the legacy that we are leaving for our children.

Here is the commercial I saw:

Watching this commercial broke my heart.  I have three children, two daughters and a son,  and I have experienced the same thing that these mothers experienced.  As I wrote in an earlier post, I had a very damaged relationship with food and self image because of what I learned from my parents.

I am so guilty of trying to get a laugh at my own expense.  I can do a whole comedy routine on all the things that are wrong or that I perceive to be wrong with me.  I can be down right mean to myself.  I believe that this was a defense mechanism from being teased when I was in school.  My thought process was , if I say it first then I take away their power to hurt me.  At any rate, I believe that this behavior is detrimental to my children.  The funny thing is that I can see traits in my children that I have, but on them those traits seem beautiful.

So when did we learn that it's OK to look at ourselves through such a critical mirror?

(I couldn't resist a little "Mean Girls" meme.)






I remember growing up watching my mom criticize her weight, her height (or lack their of), and how she didn't feel as smart as other people.  As I grew older I started to view my mom that way.  She established my perception of her by constantly telling me these things over and over again. I realized by an very early age that we, as woman, are very flawed.  I realized that how you look is very important. I learned that it was OK to "body shame" myself and others.

 It took me years to understand that beauty comes from the inside out.

(I couldn't resist the "Shallow Hal" meme either.)

Beauty has so little to do with how you look, and that beauty, true beauty emanates from deep inside.

Confidence is beautiful, thoughtfulness is beautiful, kindness is beautiful, laughter is beautiful, honesty is beautiful, imperfection is beautiful, education is beautiful, forgiveness is beautiful, tears are beautiful, being trustworthy is beautiful, compassion is beautiful, courage is beautiful, emotions are beautiful, individuality is beautiful, growing is beautiful, being an advocate for others is beautiful, being shy is beautiful, being adventurous is beautiful and following your dreams is beautiful. 

So how do we leave that legacy to our children?

How do we change the way that they view themselves and others?

1. STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK!  STOP IT NOW!
2. Compliment yourself everyday, make it your new habit.
   
3. Compliment your children, often.
4. Stop being negative about other people, especially around your children (Don't act like you don't do it because we all do it.)
5. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in celebrity gossip and body shaming. (It's bad to do it to anyone, a persons fame does not give others the right to be critical.)
6. Reflect an attitude of gratitude as much as possible.
7. Make the improvements in your in life to help boost your own self image. (Healthy foods, exercise, good sleep, quality quiet time)
8. Work on your inward beauty just as hard or harder than you work on your outward beauty.
9. Read my blog. (Just checking to see if your still with me.)
10. Learn to love the person you are and stop your children if you see them not loving the person they are. 

Bottom line , beauty is being the best you, that you can be.  Breaking the legacy of poor self image is not an overnight process.  Like everything that is worth having in this life, it will take work.  I believe that  one of the most important things we can do for future generations, is to leave them a legacy of confidence, positive self image, and the ability to treat others with kindness. 

Be kind to yourself and others, we all deserve kindness in our lives.  

Please visit our website: www.westernbariatric.com

Or call one of our offices: SB 909-475-8611 or RS 951-3525643

Seeing is believing..Right?

In this post we are going to address something that is very important to the bariatric community. No, I'm not talking about food.  This is about who you see when you look in the mirror.  When you wake up in the morning and see yourself, who do you see?  

Do you see the person that you really are, exactly as other people see you, or do you see an image that you have created in your minds eye?   

I often hear from our patients that even after they have lost a significant amount of weight they still feel "big".  When they look in the mirror they still see that "big person" looking back at them.  Have you ever felt that way?  When someone tells you how nice you look, do you smile, but feel like they are just being kind?  

I know that sometimes no matter how hard we work at our health and fitness, our body isn't getting the message.  We look in the mirror and we do not see the beauty, the progress, the hard work, we see every flaw and imperfection.  

So what shapes our self image? I believe that there are several factors that contribute to the way we see ourselves.  Some of them are our parents, family, class mates, co-workers, education, and economic status, just to name a few.  Unfortunately we cannot control all of those factors, we cannot change what has happened in our past.  The hard and hurtful images of our childhood are part of a past that is already written in stone.  

I was teased ruthlessly from elementary school, all the way into high school.  I have really big lips.  It hurts my heart to even say it, but it's just the truth.  Having big lips was not all the fashion craze back then.  Cindy Crawford and Angelina Jolie were not famous yet, and the models and actress of the day did not have that bee stung pout people pay good money for now a days.

I will spare you the details but I can tell you that when I was 13 I begged my parents for plastic surgery.  I bet that everyone reading this post can relate to this story on way or another. As I got older my lips became a non-issue to everyone but me.  Some people would even make comments on how beautiful my lips are, but in my minds eye for years all I saw was that skinny girl with the big ugly lips.  

 The fortunate part is that our present and our future is in our hands.  The old images of ourselves do not have to define who we are today.  We can turn those negatives into positives. Can I ever forget/get over what was said to me and how I felt? NO.  But I can and have used those feelings and emotions to become a more compassionate person.  I try and see the beauty in everyone.  Most of all, I made peace with these crazy lips of mine and even learned to love them.

 I just stopped caring what anyone else thought of my looks, beauty is fleeting, it's only here for a moment.  The things that last, the important things, are how you treat people, the small kindnesses that no one sees, and the love that you spread to those around you.  

The choice to see the flaws or the beauty in ourselves in one we need to make everyday.  As I have said before, if you are not going to be kind to yourself then who is?  Make a promise to yourself that you are going to compliment yourself on one thing everyday.  Do it out loud.  Set small achievable goals, stop setting yourself up for failure.  Be proud of the person you are today and the person you are becoming.  Allow the past to help you move forward and take it's power away to hold you back. We need to finally start seeing all of the beautiful, positive, and wonderful things in the mirror.  Concentrate on eating healthy foods, drinking plenty of water, getting plenty of rest and exercise, and laughing out loud as often as possible.  See a therapist to get your emotional needs addressed, I did and it was one of the best things I ever did.  

So who do you see in the mirror?

If you or someone you know may be struggling with deeper issues related to body image please click the link below for more information and how to get help: 

http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd

http://bddfoundation.org/

Please visit our website: www.westernbariatric.com

Or call one of our offices: SB 909-475-8611 or RS 951-3525643

My Super Hero

As a little girl I always thought my dad was just a big guy. He was big like a superhero or something. He could pick me up with one arm, I would swing from his arms like a monkey. I rode thought many theme parks perched high on his mighty shoulders.
It never occurred to me that he was obese. You could say that love blinded me from the truth, but to me he was just my dad. I was probably 10 or 11 when a classmate of mine pointed out how "fat" my dad was. Hot tears burned my face as I sat in the principals office for trying to give that kid a fat lip. How could anyone not see how cool my dad was? As I got older I realized that as a family we indulged in a lot of rich, delicious foods. I started to realize that both of my parents were quite a bit bigger than my friends parents. I never understood why we never ate in a booth at restaurants, it was always a table. One day when I questioned why we couldn't sit at a booth, my mom grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear that my dad was too "fat" to fit in a booth. There was that word again.

My dad joked about being under tall, or that he was just waiting to grow into his weight. My mom however was always on the newest fad diet. We would eat the craziest things, then something would happen, they would fall off the wagon and fried chicken here we come. As I matured I thought that dieting is just what people did, so I started secretly dieting. I was already thin at 5'5" and 100 lbs but I thought I had really big thighs. I developed my own eating disorder from watching my parents incorrectly battle their eating disorder.

By the time I graduated high school my parents sought help for my issues and I overcame my eating disorder with therapy and an excellent medical team. In family therapy was the first time I heard anyone confront my parents about their eating disorder. ...Food Addiction...we were out of there so fast my head spun. We never, ever spoke of that again. My parents went on a new low carb diet, that lasted about a month.

As an adult I realized that my parents had serious issues with food. My mom grew up so impoverished that she had to have the food pantry full at all times. My dad was a sneaky eater, he got up in the night to eat, ate on the way to work and on the way home. By this time he now had type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease. When I was pregnant with my daughter my dad had to undergo a kidney transplant, his out of control diabetes and high blood pressure had caused him to go into kidney failure.

When my dad died he was 5'10" and around 350lbs. His official cause of death was a stroke, but it doesn't take a genius to know that your body was not designed to carry that much weight. My dad's damaged relationship with food caused him to die far too young. He left a wife, 4 kids, 8 grandchildren and a church full of people who loved him and still miss him to this day.

I watched my personal superhero, succumb to disease. He became a prisoner to his own body.  He is still super to me and in my minds eye he is still the best man I have ever known. A superhero's story is never supposed to end in tragedy, but in this case it did.  Our story did not have to end this way and yours doesn't either.  If you have a damaged relationship with food, get help. Don't allow your family and friends to miss you like crazy. Call your doctor, get an accountability partner, get some good counseling, research all your options. You deserve a healthy and happy life!

Please visit our website: www.westernbariatric.com
or
Call one of our offices in Riverside, CA or San Bernardino, CA
951-352-5643 or 909-475-8611

Just trying to get some sleep...

When dealing with obesity you will most likely hear the term "Sleep Apnea" at one time or another. Sleep Apnea is a common sleep disorder that is usually defined as pauses and shallow breaths while sleeping. Often if you snore loud enough to wake the dead or your unsuspecting partner sleeping next to you, someone will gently suggest that you may have sleep apnea. According to the National Sleep Foundation , more than 18 million Americans have some form of sleep apnea. If left untreated sleep apnea can cause high blood pressure, memory problems, weight gain, impotence, headaches, and even more serious issues.

Let's just be honest here, if you are having issues with sleep apnea getting treated is pretty important. For those that are struggling with obesity the stakes are even higher because the health problems mentioned above are usually are already an issue and will just be exasperated by sleep apnea.

Also one thing that has not been addressed yet, people who have not had enough sleep are grouchy. Since we are being honest I thought it appropriate to address the real reason your friends and family wantyou to address your sleep apnea, you are grouchy and no wants to deal with your "I'm tired and I haven't slept well in years" attitude. What's worse is that the people who sleep within earshot of you aren't sleeping well either and they are probably grouchy too. With this revelation, one can only assume that the grouchy trolls that lived under bridges in the days of old, probably had some serious sleep apnea. I digress, but seriously if you don't sleep well you don't feel well.








It's time to stop the madness!

So how do we treat sleep apnea before we end up under a bridge...

1. Get a real diagnosis. Tell your primary care doctor what is going on, ask for a sleep study. http://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-topics/sleep-studies

2. Lifestyle changes are in order! Changes like avoiding alcohol, losing weight, and quitting smoking are good places to start.

3. If you are prescribed a CPAP machine, USE IT! This machine might save your life someday. (Keeping you from snoring, which in turn keeps your significant other from putting a pillow over your face.) http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/sleep-and-cpap-adherence

4. If your apnea is very severe your Doctor my suggest you have surgery to correct the airway obstruction, again this could save your life. (See #3)http://www.sleepapnea.org/treat/treatment-options/surgery.html

All joking aside, Sleep Apnea is a serious condition, but with proper treatment it can be resolved. You deserve a good nights rest and so does your family. Good health is a gift that only you can give yourself.

For more information on sleep apnea and sleep disorders please visit:http://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-disorders-problems/sleep-apnea

Please visit our website: www.westernbariatric.com
or
Call one of our offices in Riverside or San Bernardino
951-352-5643 or 909-475-8611

Emotional Eating: Part 2

Please visit our website : www.westernbariatric.com
or
Call our office in Riverside, CA and San Bernardino, CA
951-352-5643 OR 909-475-8611

When things aren't going your way...

Since we just tackled the topic of emotional eating with Dr. Reyes, (Emotional Eating) I thought we might talk about some of the things that make us so emotional in the first place.  Now we all know that having a hard day, a hard month, or even a hard life, is not exclusive to bariatric patients.

However since most of you are bariatric patients, we should then talk about the things that trigger us to feel down.  Thing that make us so down in fact, that we turn to back to our unhealthy habits. 

1. You feel as though nothing is going right: You lost your keys and/or purse, your dog pooped on your shoes, you cannot get your Pandora to play music not matter how many times you have turned your phone off and on(that could possibly be happening right now)...etc.

2. After working out all week, eating right, and getting plenty of sleep, and you still gained weight.

3. You feel like no one can understand what is going on with you, you also cannot explain it because as soon as the words start coming out of your mouth you realize how crazy you must sound.

4. You don't physically feed good and you just cannot stomach making a fake smile today, and tomorrow is not looking good either.

5. You feel like if one more person says "Don't you feel so much better now that you lost all of that weight?" you may punch them in the face.

The first thing you need to realize is that you are not alone.  Do you hear me?  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  (Sorry to yell but this is important.)  As much as a bad mood and/or depression can make us feel isolated and unloved, we have to remember that " We are not alone" .  Identify a support system way before you feel bad, then when you do feel bad, reach out to them.  Let your friends and family love on you.  One hug, a few kind words, and knowing that people are thinking about you can help tremendously.  

The next thing you should do is set yourself up for success.  Instead of tossing your house like a CSI investigator looking for your keys, you should get your things together the night before. That means your clothes, your keys, your sensible lunch, everything.  You know you feel better when you get up knowing that everything is together in the morning.  

Get sometime alone.  Take a bath, do some yoga, take a walk, dance in your bedroom to the big butt song, make some time for you.  Even just 15 minutes a day can help you get centered again and back on the right track. 

Stop weighing yourself everyday!  STOP IT!  If you are not going to be kind to yourself, then who is?  Do the right things and stop obsessing about the scale.  If you aren't sure what the right things are, then see your Doctor, talk to the R.D., read up on great exercises that target your problem areas. 

 STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

No one feels happy and/or sociable all the time.  It's OK to feel down and a little grouchy sometimes. Do what you can to head it off at the pass, be honest with yourself about why you feel down, and allow people to help when they can.  If you find that your "Bad Mood" is lasting way too long and that it has moved into depression territory, call your doctor.  Do not suffer in silence, it's 2014, having depression is nothing, I said NOTHING to be ashamed of.  Your mental health is just as important as your physical health.  Take care of both, your future self will thank you for it.  Just like your future self will thank you for wearing sunscreen.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, there is help available: 

http://www.aplaceofhope.com/depression-hotline.html

Please visit our website: www.westernbariatric.com
or
Call one of our offices in Riverside or San Bernardino
951-352-5643 or 909-475-8611